Relationship truth you need to know……
One of the hardest parts I learned of maintaining a healthy relationship is keeping my own identity. I as a person came into the relationship as an individual with interests, likes, dislikes, friends, and ideas and the same will go with my partner. The most painful thing in a relationship is losing myself in the process of loving someone too much and forgetting that I as a person am special too. Things like Uncertainty about the future, Arguments, and disagreements, and Lack of effort from the partner were the common problems that I faced in my Relationship, and relationship stress was common.
Maintaining a good relationship was our responsibility as at the end of the day it was always me and my partner who had to understand each other and live a life together.
Hard truths about relationships that I came across and probably you need to hear.
YOU COME FIRST!
Believe it or not, you can be in a relationship and still focus on yourself. You come first is the term I learned being in a relationship. I always was depending on my partner to take decisions and I forgot I was a person who can face it. You need to put yourself first because you cannot always depend on your partner to be there in every situation, so learning to understand myself and who I have helped me to face different situations and made me believe I’m capable of doing things by myself.
THE PERFECT PARTNER DOESN’T EXIST!
The perfect partner that you have been building in your head for years doesn’t exist. I was a person who built a person in my head and whenever he did the opposite, I disappointed myself as my expectations were different, I did not convey what I wanted and that led to fights because he do not have an idea of the person I have fantasized in my head, and it is unfair to romanticize them in our story the way we want. To overcome this, I started making the fictional character the main character in my story as they don’t exist, and they can’t disappoint me with reality.
“HAPPILY, EVER AFTER” DOESN’T EXIST!
The greatest lie I have come across is ” Happily Ever After”. The truth is that the ” Happily Ever After” kind of ending doesn’t happen in real life. Accept the fact that “We are selfish” we are humans, and we cannot expect someone to be with us forever like the ones we see in fairytale stories or movies. Having expectations and forcing someone to be with us forever is selfish. We live long and are surrounded by easier access to temptation. We do not know what our future is and what can happen so, giving a promise that we will stay together, and live long is unfortunately a lie that we say to our partner. Therefore, living the moment with my partner become my reason to stay with my partner, and started enjoying the little happy moments we shared.
LEARN HOW TO LOVE YOUR PARTNER!
Something that is often overlooked in relationships is learning how to give and receive love and attention. Understanding that my partner cannot read my mind and expecting him to understand me without communication always ended up in fights. To get the kind of love I desired from my partner I learned that conversation about each other’s needs is important. The conversation will not always be smooth there will be discomfort and disappointment but if you want to work on your relationship conversation is important. It is important to know about each other’s boundaries, and expectations and have self-love. Respecting my partner’s boundaries and his respecting my boundaries helped us move forward with our relationship.
KNOW WHEN IT IS TIME TO GO!
A partner is an addition to your life, but not a necessity. If your partner constantly stresses you out and doesn’t add value to your life, it may be time to cut them. Not everyone who walks into your life is meant to be a part of it long-term. If I find myself self-sacrificing my happiness and well-being for my partner, I may step back and re-evaluate because when we are in a relationship it’s not one person, both have equal responsibility to take care of each other. Here also when the situation comes where you feel like a relationship isn’t working having a conversation is important. I as a person need constant attention and my partner is a person who is introverted and not expressive, we came to know when we were in a situation to Break-up but had a conversation to clear the misunderstanding and decided to stay in it as we understood each other. If even having a conversation about what you want and need, and nothing seems to be changing the only option is to leave for your own happiness and mental health because you are a person of yourself and you do not have to change yourself for someone completely and lose yourself in the process. So, don’t make any haste decisions that you might regret later, but also reflect on the relationships to make sure it is still serving you in some way.
You deserve love and happiness and not the bare minimum treatment. Love takes so much practice and patience and realizing this is the first step to getting everything you want and need out of your interpersonal relationships.
There is no point in reality where we can just sail through life and never have any type of conflict again. Love is so intentional, and it takes genuine effort from both partners. It may prove to be useful to brush up on some conflict-resolution and boundary-setting skills with your partner to navigate disagreements more healthily. It is also important to remember to try to stay calm and kind during the conflict, which is way easier said than done, but ensures no one feels disrespected.
Self-love is the greatest love we will ever know. Relationships with other people will only go so far if you don’t love yourself. You can only meet people as deeply as you’ve both met yourselves, so focus on you, and all other loves will come in due time.
If no one has told you this:
I love you and I believe in you, you got this!
– Vaishnavi N Sundaran