I hated my younger brother.
I have a brother, who is four years younger than me. I remember how happy my family was the time he was born. My parents had dropped me at my grandparents’ house, where I kept asking why I was not there when my sibling was born. They had simply said “I wouldn’t understand”. Honestly, I still do not. I remember asking my parents to let me hold him in my arms but they would not let me, and when I persisted, it was followed by a good scolding from them. I often wondered – What was the deal with this baby? Was he extra special or what?
Before my brother was born, my parents used to spend a lot of time with me. We would play games, go to the park together, and sometimes, even play pranks on my grandparents. Spending time with my parents used to be the best part of my day. But everything went downhill after my brother was born because naturally, my parents focused more on him. But how could a four year old understand that?
I started developing a sense of jealousy right on the day he was born. He got all the attention, and my entire family was crazy about him. When my friends talked about how they ‘loved’ their younger sibling, I couldn’t relate to them at all. I disliked him to an extent that despite trying to love my brother, I just could not.
As years passed by, my dislike grew. I could not understand why and how anyone would want to love their younger sibling. Gradually, I started comparing myself to him, and thought that he was better than me at almost everything. He would help my mother in all the household chores. He would warmly greet any guest who arrived at our place. He could also cook real good food. He was an artistic person, and even excelled in his studies. He became like a triple threat for me. Whereas when I looked at myself, all I could see was me being mediocre at everything.
It genuinely hurt to see him being praised all the time even though my parents or my family did not do it on purpose to bother me. I felt so jealous that I could no longer stand his face. I had spent sleepless nights where I tried to understand my hatred towards him. What hurt even more was that he genuinely loved me like any sibling would do. He cared about me, and always asked my opinion when he had to make a decision. It was becoming extremely frustrating for me to handle all the pent up rage I had inside me. I could not even talk to anyone because I felt that no one would understand my mindset. I tried discussing it with one of my friends, and she called me immature and stupid for feeling this way.
One day, I was scrolling through my social media when I saw an advertisement about counselling. I was aware of counselling earlier as well but it didn’t strike me before this point. I did want to try it but was hesitant as I thought the therapist might also call me immature and stupid just like my friend did. However, I decided to pursue it anyway.
After taking a couple of sessions, I understood what a beautiful thing counselling actually is. Firstly, my therapist made me let out all my anger, and helped me process my emotions. She listened to me very patiently and in a non-judgmental way, something that was missing when I spoke to my friends. With every session, I started noticing my hatred towards my brother reducing. It didn’t happen immediately but took a lot of time and introspection. My therapist helped me understand why I had been feeling that way towards him.
It has been a couple of months now, and I find myself getting better. I now understand how genuine and beautiful a soul my brother is. I spend a lot more time with him now. We have even been on a recent 2-days trip together, and I must say we enjoyed it to the core. I realized that he understood me so well despite being four years younger. I had never thought that I would ever be able to share my secrets with him, but trust me, I do! I can’t thank my therapist enough for helping me develop a beautiful relationship with my little brother.