I didn’t think I had any future.
I had just entered class 12, and I had taken up Commerce as my stream. I went for these subjects because most of my friends had taken Commerce, and I was told that opting this stream would open up a variety of options for my career in the future. But I wasn’t sure of the career path I wanted to choose after completing my school.
All my friends had sorted plans. They knew what they wanted to become. Whenever I thought about my future, I was never sure about what I wanted to do in life. I felt that I was not good at anything. Based on what people suggested me, I would make hundreds of plans but I was afraid that I may lack the courage to see them through. Having set plans, I would see my friends preparing for entrance exams for their higher studies. And I just sat around clueless, hopping from one option to the other. Despite getting good grades, looking at my friends and thinking about my future made me anxious. I would experience sudden crying spells. Sometimes, I would not feel like doing anything. My mother would have to calm me down, forcibly feed me and get me to do the basic daily chores.
My parents were very supportive and motivating. They would always encourage me to explore my interests and follow my heart. But the main problem was that I didn’t understand where my heart lied. I couldn’t figure out what I was good at. I had all negative thoughts about what I would become when I grew up, if I would be able to earn well and if I would ever be able to repay my parents for all they had done for me. I often pondered over these thoughts, and it made me nervous and sweaty. I would feel burdened by the thought of not being able to do anything in life. I felt that my life was only going to get worse.
My parents would keep telling me that I had a lifetime in front of me and I was too young to be this worried about my future. Instead, I must take life one step at a time, and take my time to identify my interests. They had so much confidence in me that I would figure out everything eventually. I was scared of letting them down. What if I was unable to stand up to their expectations? What if I was nothing but a loser?
One day, my mother was speaking to her sister about how I had been feeling lately. She knew that I shared a deep bond with my aunt, and that I would always listen to her. My aunt paid us a visit and spoke to me. While talking to her, I couldn’t hold myself back. Within minutes, I was in tears. Knowing a good psychologist, she suggested me to go for counselling. I did some research and came across some articles about people overcoming challenges much greater than mine, with the help of therapy. I felt a little hopeful and agreed to pursue therapy.
The therapist helped me realize how influenced I was by other people’s opinions and choices. She made me believe in myself and trust my own instincts rather than blindly following other people’s suggestions. Through the first few sessions of therapy, she randomly put forward several questions, which helped me figure out where my interest lied. Moreover, the counselor taught me a relaxation technique, which helped me deal with my anxiety. Counselling made me recognize how blessed I was to have such a wonderful family, who had always had my back. It made me a more confident person.